Jan. 21, 2010--My Salvation Testimony

I've been thinking a lot about this journal and the things that should be shared in it for you.  I made a short list already, but realized that one of the first things I should share is my Salvation testimony.  This could get long, but hang in there with me because I think you'll find it interesting.

I was saved in early July 1998.  It was at a special church service at Greg's family's church that both he and I had been invited to attend.  I had just graduated high school that May and was 18 years old.

At times, I'm embarrassed that it took that long for me to get it.  But, at the same time, I'm glad that I learned early enough that I still had most of my life left to give to serve God and reach those around me for Him.

From very early I remember an interest in God, but really didn't have an understanding.  When we were little, a local church would pick up us kids and bring us to the Sunday morning services.  The church was called Salisbury Baptist Church and the preacher was Bro. Jewell.  The most I remember from that church was sitting in Ms. Faye's lap, the fun of Vacation Bible School, and the day my mom was baptized.

After a move when I was 8, I no longer remember going to church with my family again.  Sometimes when I would spend the night with my friends, I'd go to church with them.  Some of the those churches were Church of Christ, First Baptist, Nazarene, and other small Baptist churches.  I even attended a Catholic church at Christmas one year with my stepdad's sister and her family.

My point is that I'd been in a lot of churches, but I didn't understand any of them or even anything about God, Jesus, or the Bible.

One thing I had heard at many of these churches and even from some friends at school was that you had to be saved.  I had no idea what that meant!  When I would ask people about how you know if you are saved, they'd say, "You'll know."  But they would never give me any idea how or what would happen or if I had to do something or not.  I was so confused!

In my child's mind, I could only imagine this great booming voice of God and a huge light from Heaven and angels all around.  And, I'll tell you, I KNEW that hadn't happened to me!

I even searched for verses in the Bible that would tell me what to do.  And all I found was a verse that said that all I had to do was believe in Jesus and I would be saved.  (John 3:16-17)

So, as an 11 year old little girl, I sat in my room, closed my eyes, and said, "God, I believe in you and Jesus.  Please save me."

And then I waited.   I didn't hear a big voice, the earth didn't move, and the skies didn't part.  Hmmm...  I started peeking around with one eye open.  Nothing felt different.

I said it again, but still never heard God.  I concluded it must not have worked, but I had no idea why.  I did what it said, but nothing happened.

A few years later I spent the night with a dear friend, Tabi.  And we decided we were gonna both get "saved" that night!  We had out a Bible, read the words again, and proceeded again to ask God to save us.

I don't know about her, but again I didn't feel anything.  I kept thinking on the words of those who had been "saved"--that I would just know, and the only thing I knew was that I didn't "know".

I never gave up my search for salvation, but I really questioned whether it would ever happen to me.  Deep in my heart I wanted to be a Christian, but the thing was I really didn't even know what a Christian was.  I found this out rather embarrassingly when I visited my step-grandparents the summer I was 15.

They live near Chicago, and they arranged for me to fly up there for two weeks.  The thing was, I had never flown before and was terrified!  When I packed my bag, I put a Bible in there, I think as a good luck charm really.

When my grandma was unpacking my bag, she found the Bible.  She said, "Why did you bring this?"

I said, "I thought it might help keep me safe."

And she said, "Are you a Christian?"

I replied, "Yeah."  Cause even though I hadn't been "saved" I still thought God and Jesus were important.

Then she said, "Well, I'm not a Christian.  I was raised Jewish."

And do you know what that dumb, unlearned 15 year old me said?!

I said, "Well, that's ok.  We all believe in God and Jesus, and that's all that matters anyway, right?"

In my defense, I meant well!  I just thought Jewish meant another denomination of church, and I'd been to a lot of different denominations already, and realized they all centralized on God and Jesus.  They just had different ways of running the business, it seemed.

Anyway, my step-grandma learned me something that day!

She replied, "No, they are not the same.  As a Jew, I don't believe in Jesus."

I was astounded.  Even for someone who hadn't been "saved", I had never heard anyone say those words!

I stammered out, "What do you believe then?"

And she said that Jewish people believed in God, but they did not believe in Jesus as the Messiah.  They did believe Jesus was a real man and a good man; but likened him to an important prophet like Moses or Isaiah.  She continued by telling me of the cruel treatment she received growing up by the Christian kids telling her that she was going to Hell because she was a Jew.  And then further admitted that she was no longer a practicing Jew, and wasn't sure what she believed.

I really didn't know what to think of all this new information.  What if she was right?

In my teenage years, I stayed busy going to school, working, and having fun with my friends.  I don't remember giving much thought to my eternal future.  And I remember when people would tell me that they got saved and were baptized, I mainly thought they were lying.  I couldn't figure out how THEY could be "saved" living the lives they lived, when I--who was a fairly good kid comparitively--hadn't been saved.

I brushed it off and didn't put much thought into it.

Then one day life became very real.  July 1st, 1998, we found out a girl from our school had died in a car wreck.  Her name was Nichole Hughes, and she was 16 years old (2 years younger than me!).

We weren't friends, though in Hartsville everyone knows everyone!  Her death still hit me very hard.  This girl had everything going for her, it seemed.  She was beautiful, sweet, a cheerleader, and a runner-up in the school's beauty pageant.  I'm pretty sure she made Homecoming Court too.

All I could think was, "Wow, if someone as beautiful and important as her could die right now, then what does that mean for someone as unimportant as me?!"

She had the life of dreams and all the sudden, it was over with no warning whatsoever.

During that same week was revival at Greg's family's church.  His grandmother invited us to attend.  With mortality very present on my mind, I told Greg that I wanted to go.  He tried to talk me out of it saying that I didn't know what that church was like, and that was true because I'd never been to a Missionary Baptist Church before.  But, I had been to plenty of others and couldn't imagine this one being so different that it would make me uncomfortable.

I told Greg we were going, and he agreed.  But he gave me clear instructions going in to stay seated and not do anything.  I wasn't sure what that meant, but really didn't expect that to be a problem.

At the service, it took an unusual turn.  There was no preaching whatsoever, and it turned out to be a testimonial service.  God knew I was there, I believe; and I think He knew how to finally reach me. 

Person after person stood and told of the day they were "saved".  They talked about how they got on their knees begging for forgiveness and opening their hearts to God.  I noticed that some of the ones testifying were kids from my school, and I felt the conviction of their words and was moved by the heartfelt pleas to the lost souls to finally turn their lives over to Jesus.

People started a trail to the alter and many were pouring out their hearts to God.  As I stood, remaining in the pew, I was compelled to bow my head and pray.  I had Nichole on my mind and I prayed for her, but then I just started praying for me.  The more I prayed the stronger I felt the urge to bow on my knees at the alter and really make things right with God.  (this is called conviction, and I promise to address this with you too sometime.)

Finally, I stepped out from the pew and walked to the alter, still deep in prayer.  I didn't even notice the people around me, I was too absorbed in my prayer.  I was so consumed by the conviction of my heart that I was sobbing halfway down the isle.

I fianlly made it to the alter and crumbled to my knees.  I prayed harder than I ever had in my life, and truly begged God to forgive me of my sins.

At some point, I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard a familiar voice speaking to me.  It was Greg's grandmother, and she just kept saying, "You just keep praying until you get it."

All of the sudden, my tears were gone and I was completely overwhelmed with a feeling of peace.  And at that moment I knew that I got it.

Finally, after years of searching and confusion over the whole salvation thing, I finally understood my part and what I had to do to get there.  It was as simple as asking for it, but what I needed to understand was WHY did I need to ask?

I needed to realize that I was a sinner, no matter how "good" I tried to be.  I had to feel the guilt of my sins as well as have a desire not to sin anymore.  And I had to truly accept that my life on this earth was short, but my eternal destination was permenant.

Without God's forgiveness, my destination was Hell.  It didn't matter how good of a life I lived on earth, if I didn't accept Jesus as my Lord and Saviour, then I was a sinner destined for Hell.

It's a lot to take in, I truly know!  But there will come a time with all of us that God's going to make it all clear for us.  And it's at that moment you will be required to make a choice.  You will either live your life for Jesus, or you will live your life for you.

I pray you'll decide to live for Jesus.  You'll learn that choice doesn't mean you give up happiness and enjoyment in this life.  In fact, this choice is the only way to get those exact things.  God wants what is best for us, and the Bible clearly tells us that God is love!  (1 John 4:8)

When you find yourself ready to make the choice, all you have to do is pray a very simple prayer:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for sending Your Son, Jesus, to pay for our sins and make the only way to our eternal home with You.  I ask, Lord, for forgiveness for the sins that have kept me apart from You, and I pray that you will guide me daily in the way I should go.  AMEN.

When you pray that and truly mean it with all your heart, then you have truly been SAVED.

You may not hear God's voice, you may not see angels, and the Heavens may not shine down.  But, I can guarentee that your heart will be filled with a peace that you have never felt before.  And at that point, you truly will KNOW.

Love and prayers!
Jenn